The Self-loathing Scarecrow

Blue Blanket

by: Andrea Gibson

still
there are days
when there is no way
not even a chance
that i’d dare for even a second
glance at the reflection of my body in the mirror
and she knows why
like i know why
she
only cries
when she feels like she’s about to lose control
she knows how much control is worth
knows what a woman can lose
when her power to move
is taken away
by a grip so thick with hate
it could clip the wings of god
leave the next eight generations of your blood shaking
and tonight something inside me is breaking
my heart beating so deep beneath the sheets of her pain
i could give every tear she’s crying
a year—a name
and a face i’d forever erase from her mind if i could
just like she would
for me
or you
but how much closer to free would any of us be
if even a few of us forgot
what too many women in this world cannot
and i’m thinking
what the hell would you tell your daughter
your someday daughter
when you’d have to hold her beautiful face
to the beat up face of this place
that hasn’t learned the meaning of
stop
what would you tell your daughter
of the womb raped empty
the eyes swollen shut
the gut too frightened to hold food
the thousands upon thousands of bodies used and abused
it was seven minutes of the worst kind of hell
seven
and she stopped believing in heaven
distrust became her law
fear her bible
the only chance of survival
don’t trust any of them
bolt the doors to your home
iron gate your windows
walking to your car alone
get the keys in the lock
please please please please open
like already you can feel
that five fingered noose around your neck
two hundred pounds of hatred
digging graves into the sacred soil of your flesh
please please please please open
already you’re choking for your breath
listening for the broken record of the defense
answer the question
answer the question
answer the question miss
why am i on trial for this
would you talk to your daughter
your sister your mother like this
i am generations of daughters sisters mothers
our bodies battlefields
war grounds
beneath the weapons of your brother’s hands
do you know they’ve found land mines
in broken women’s souls
black holes in the parts of their hearts
that once sang symphonies of creation
bright as the light on infinity’s halo
she says
i remember the way love
used to glow like glitter on my skin
before he made his way in
now every touch feels like a sin
that could crucify medusa kali oshun mary
bury me in a blue blanket
so their god doesn’t know i’m a girl
cut off my curls
i want peace when i’m dead
her friend knocks at the door
it’s been three weeks
don’t you think it’s time you got out of bed
no
the ceiling fan still feels like his breath
i think i need just a couple more days of rest
please
bruises on her knees from praying to forget
she’s heard stories of vietnam vets
who can still feel the tingling of their amputated limbs
she’s wondering how many women are walking around this world
feeling the tingling of their amputated wings
remembering what it was to fly to sing
tonight she’s not wondering
what she would tell her daughter
she knows what she would tell her daughter
she’d ask her
what gods do you believe in
i’ll build you a temple of mirrors so you can see them!
pick the brightest star you’ve ever wished on
i’ll show you the light in you
that made that wish come true!
tonight she’s not asking
you what you would tell your daughter
she’s life deep in the hell—the slaughter
has already died a thousand deaths with every unsteady breath
a thousand graves in every pore of her flesh
and she knows the war’s not over
knows there’s bleeding to come
knows she’s far from the only woman or girl
trusting this world no more than the hands
trust rusted barbed wire
she was whole before that night
believed in heaven before that night
and she’s not the only one
she knows she won’t be the only one
she’s not asking what you’re gonna tell your daughter
she’s asking what you’re gonna teach
your son

  1. thereisalwaysdusttotracein reblogged this from aneverendinglovesong
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  3. highand-mighty reblogged this from endlessgatitos and added:
    intense.
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  6. ssudsy reblogged this from xxxxarachnexxxx and added:
    This is beautiful.
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  9. profconfessor reblogged this from xxxxarachnexxxx and added:
    my favorite.
  10. xxxxarachnexxxx posted this
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